Tap the Hidden Lessons within Our Foes…

Tap the Hidden Lessons within Our Foes...
Tap the Hidden Lessons within Our Foes…

Throughout my life I’ve dealt with many of the same recurring themes.

Issues pertaining to trust, envy, ego and misconstrued ideas. From a very young age, I have been challenged and forced to look within…often times requiring of myself a submission in order to patch up this problem or correct that issue.

And for many years, I would be resentful for so readily placing myself as the purported peacemaker. I would shed buckets of tears for the suffering I willingly would endure, all in effort to have harmony and balance….Or so it seemed…

Sometime in my late 20s it struck me, “HOW…how, was my self-martyring helping anyone…why did it feel like a heavier burden with each new incident…” Yet, conditioned as though I had been, I didn’t change this pattern overnight, and indeed it took me close to another decade to fully come to terms with the “whys” of my self-victimization.

Not that I have ever considered myself to be a victim of circumstance, nor ever have I played the “woes me” card….but still, I had come to realize that by stifling my feelings in order to maintain a certain status quo, I was in every way possible doing just that….

To my foes, I was giving away all of my power and self-worth…making it easier for them to justify their claims against me. And so, shortly after this self-revelation of my willing acquiescence to place my own head on the chopping block, I ran the other side of the spectrum…that of self-defense and self-preservation…only to find that this attitude fared me no better.

Now instead of my own martyrdom, I peddled cross examinations of those who would strive to cause me hurt and pain….I railed from countless hours of picking apart this or over analyzing that…for what could this person see in me that would spur them into such a rapacious need to annihilate me. What was wrong with THEM that they would hold such a grudge, or direct such anger at me…What about ME makes them so unhappy…

When not being able to find adequate answers, I would pull back, cut out, and make my own justifications as to their flaws…

And so continued my journey to understanding and accepting not only my own limitations, but also of those who do the best that they are able…

It has taken me the better half or more of 4 decades to make peace with those who would seek me out as foe…I have finally realized the lessons and embraced with all of my heart each antagonist who has traversed my life.

I now know that I was meant to be neither martyr nor aggressor…but that I was simply made to “BE”.

As an instrument in assisting not only my own growth, but also the growth of my foes. No longer do I struggle with my limitations of wanting answers as to why and how. No longer do I dwell on immediate satisfaction for comprehension…and no longer to do I focus my energy on justifying their reasons for choosing me as an adversary…

If in the mirror of my enemy I am able to understand my own voice, then that is good enough for me….

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